Kennedee, I really loved looking at your portfolio site! The theme you picked is really pretty, it is also easy to navigate which I really appreciated. At the point that I am commenting (week 6), there is only one story in your portfolio so I don't have much to go off of. However, what you do have is excellent work! I like the way your story was written as far as physical features go. You used an easy to read font and spaced it out enough that it is easy to read, which is something that I really appreciate. I loved that you changed the story to fit into familiar territory for readers, and I like that you focused on the predator-prey relationship. I think you really have a way with words and your story is really well written. I cannot wait to read your portfolio later on in the semester once you have more for me to read. Great job, girl! :)
Hi Kennadee!I really enjoyed your story! It was really easy to read and flowed like any classic fable. My favorite part was that you made it in your actual home setting, and you used experiences you were familiar with to make the story realistic and accurate, like utilizing the predator traps and knowing how coyotes act. The moral of the story, with the predator becoming the prey, seems like a nice dose of typical Indian epic karma, don’t you think? I really don’t have any major edits to suggest for you. The first three sentences, which you broke up into three different lines, could definitely be one paragraph, but surprisingly the formatting really draws the eye and builds intrigue for the story. The title was punny, your images look really nice, and it was a great work overall! I can’t wait to read more of what you write in this class.
Your home page is very brief. I think brief is good but I think that you could give your audience a little bit better of an idea of what we are in for. You could also add another photo to the home page to bulk it up a little bit. I am also doing unconnected stories but is there going to be any overarching themes? Or you could have a few over lapping characters that happen to pop up in a variety of your tales. I love your banner photo it sets the tone well. I also love the color scheme it feels like a children’s books. I love the personified stomach reminding the coyote that he is hungry. That was me this morning. MY stomach would not stop roaring during my first class. This story was great. I really think that this story would sell really well to southern families. It really has some potential!! I will illustrate the book for you lol!
Hey Kennedee, I just read through your portfolio so far. I enjoyed your portrayal of The Cunning Crane and the Crab re-told through the coyote and the jack rabbit. I used a rabbit in one of my own re-tellings, and think it adds cute imagery to the tale.Your website has a nice theme, but the comment wall's font is kind of hard to read for me. Maybe adding more to your introduction would be more welcoming for visitors as well, I know I need to fix mine up.Looking forward to reading more of your stories and hope they will continue the outdoorsy theme when applicable!
Hi Kennedee!First off, I really like the pictures you chose for both your home page and first story! I liked that you changed the setting and the animals to something your more familiar and one that readers will be more familiar with. The switch of predator to prey role for the coyote reminds a lot of karma theme that we read about in all the Indian epics stories. I wonder why the rabbit felt like he could trust the coyote in the first place, since coyotes usually hunt jack rabbits. The only editing comment is because I’m a bit confused about the coyotes encounter with the mallard. In the paragraph before, the coyote said he was going to act like he had barely gotten away from a bobcat, but then nonchalantly goes to get a drink. Why didn’t he use his plan when he saw the mallard? I think switching the order of events would make the story less confusing. Overall, great story!
Hi Kennedee! I really enjoyed your first story! I liked that you took your own spin on "The Cunning Crane and the Crab" story by setting it in Oklahoma and keeping the main theme of the predator-prey relationship and how the prey beats the predator at his own game. You also did a great job with keeping the tone and the style of the original story! It felt like I was reading a fun tall tale and it made me feel like I was in elementary school again. I also feel like an introduction page about your stories could be cool! I think it would give readers more insight what types of stories you chose and what theme each story would convey. You could also talk about why you chose each story/theme. For example, are you going to keep choosing a fable for each story? What other stories would you also like to retell and what lessons would you like to convey in each tale?
Hey Kennedee,Great first story! I liked the coyote and the jack rabbit story; it definitely felt like an aesops fables kind of story, which is impressive considering you rewrote the story! I was wondering if you changed the moral of the story at all in your rewrite, because you said the underdog again came out on top. Maybe it might help if you explained who in the original story became the jackrabbit and who in the original story became the coyote. In addition, it seems like your website has a them of fables, but without an introduction or further details in the authors note, I was unsure. If you don't want to do an introduction page, maybe you can explain how this story fits into your overall theme in the author's note! In the story itself, I was wondering why the coyote casually walked to the other animals. Would it make more sense to have the coyote jog up and pretend to have just been running? It seems like the smart animals in this story would realize that the coyote was clearly not trying to escape anything. Besides those small details, I want to say that your story was excellently written and was very enjoyable! Keep it up!
Hi!I read The Very Clever Hare story. First off, I like the set up of your website! After reading the first paragraph, it looks like it needs some revisions to clean up some errors. I like how you include dialogue in your story; it adds a unique element to the story. In the fourth paragraph, I noticed a mistake with the quotation marks that can be fixed. Another detail I noticed was that the coyote licked his lips. The way I perceived the coyote licking his lips was that he was getting so desperate that he forgot about his façade. Now the next part of the story was really interesting. My favorite part was how the jack rabbit thought of a solution to escape. Despite the sad ending for the coyote, I thought including the foot trap was a brilliant idea. I read the ending of the story super fast because I immediately wanted to know what happened next. Your story really pulled my attention!
Kennedee,I like your project! I do have some feedback:1. Is there a theme to your project? The picture on your first page is a flower while the picture on the second page is a rabbit that pertains to your story. Is there some overarching theme? There doesn't necessarily need to be, but I am wondering.2. Is there a less grainy image you could use for your rabbit picture?3. Read through your story again. You have a few mistakes that you'll catch in terms of wording, missing spaces, and relatively small stuff like that.You don't have any enormous errors- good job! I like your version of the story. Good luck moving forwards!
Hiya Kennedee!Reading your first story, it was a pleasure to get something comical and light-hearted to read. While the story itself can be seen as very dark with a starving coyote ending up being stuck in a trap, the way you tell it keeps it pretty upbeat and happy! I'm also just a sucker for underdog stories, so this and the story it's based on are great. The only part that threw me for a bit of a loop was the spacing. From a distance, it's pleasing to the eye, but for a reader, it made it just a little hard to read in some spots. Other than that, great job! I like your writing style a lot and I'll be coming back to read more in the future! Don't forget to wash your hands and stay home if you can! Stay safe out there.
Kennedee, First off let me say that I love the layout of your project! The color scheme you went with along with the simplicity in it is great. You have some very minor grammatical errors towards the beginning of your story with too many quotation marks. I really enjoyed your story. The Jataka tales were some of my favorite stories we have read thus far and I also used one in my project. Your use of dialogue within your story was a nice touch to give both the coyote and the jack rabbit more personality and character traits that we would have otherwise not gotten. I like how you chose to rework with the crane and the crab, but also totally changed the type of animals and the plot in a way. The way you were able to use a story that so many people are familiar with and rework it into a completely new story is great. Will you only be using Jataka tales in your project or will you use other stories from other readings? Overall, I can't wait to read some more of your stories!
Hey Kennedee,I really liked your portfolio. I thought the pictures that you included on both pages drew a great response from me. The picture intrigued me so much that I couldn’t wait to read your first story. I really like the descriptive words and details that you used in your story. It allowed me to easily visualize in my head what was going on. I think that is key to being able to draw in your reader. This story seemed really simplistic and straight to the point which I loved. I have said this a couple times in past comments, but it is so true. Long drawn out stories tend to bore the audience and by keeping it short and simple you are engaging the audience and having their interest being kept. Overall, great job and I cannot wait to read more of your stories.